“I Love You.”

June 26th, 2010

When I was 15, I had my first boyfriend. Exciting, right? Of course. No one ever forgets their first boyfriend/girlfriend. He was a skater, with pants that covered his shoes and wore shirts with  band names on them. One sunny day, a day or two after we were “official,” we went for a walk and ended up walking down an alley. We stopped and sat on a stranger’s garage steps. He put his arm around me, it was kind of nice to be held like that.

You remember that much detail from 12 years ago? Yes. This is why:

As we sat there talking about the events and drama the night before at the local teenage hangout, he said three words I had never heard from someone other than a family member… “I love you.” I was a little stunned. As I sat there silent, his face twisted in confusion. “Why won’t you say it back?” What I wanted to do was scream, “I barely know you!” — But I didn’t. I just shrugged, stood up and turned toward the direction of my house.

I remember so many details from that day…because my very new boyfriend had “gone there.” I told myself that day that I wouldn’t use those words lightly. He had crossed a line.

Now, this is where I tell you that I think that the word “love” is overused and thrown about carelessly.

Love. What does love mean?

Today  I asked many people what their definition of love was. While I got many sensible answers, many of those being from married people, many others from people over the age of 25, many of my teenage answers included things like:

“He makes me feel so special, I can’t get enough of him.” “She is so beautiful, I can’t stop staring at her.” “I feel it, I am overwhelmed with it!” “It’s what I feel for my girlfriend.”

I am not attacking just teens on this, because I have seen older people do the same thing. People often confuse the excitement of a new relationship for love. I have seen it happen over and over again. It is an overwhelming feeling of passion and excitement. But what happens when the relationship is no longer new and exciting? The couple goes their separate ways…finding new people to “love.” I appreciate couples who choose to take things slowly, and just see where their relationship goes, rather than jump on the “I am in love” train. Love is a very powerful word in my book.

Honestly, when I hear “I just don’t love him/her anymore.” — it bothers me. Truth is, you probably didn’t ever love them in the first place. Love is not a noun or a feeling. Love is an action of complete selflessness, no matter which way you use it. One is (almost) always willing to give up what they have for their children, spouse, family. If not, I find that very sad. In that case, they do not truly love them.

The dictionary has several definitions for the word… But yet there is only one word for it. That is where the English language fails. But I am not even going to begin to talk about English language failures.

The Greek language has 4 different words for the word love. You can read them here:

Greek Words for Love

After reading that… Sometimes I wish we spoke Greek.

When discussing this blog with Gangsta – most of you have heard about him, he is like an older brother to me – we talked about how love is overused and taken lightly by many people. While discussing something very serious, we also have time to joke about it. We joked that there should be a scale, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel about me?” Even though we were joking about it, it would be a lot better than having this powerful word being thrown about the way it is these days.

I could talk forever about how disappointing it is to see people using “love” carelessly. But I won’t. Instead, I will tell you:

Look for your “10.” You’re gonna go through several 7s, 8s, and even some 9s. But they can’t all be 10s. If you want to read more on breaking off relationships, I suggest you read my blog titled, “Puzzle Pieces.”

I hope that you are able to find your “10.” But please, do not throw those words around the way people in society today do. Just because you cannot get enough of your new mate does not mean you love them. Just because you are overwhelmed with a feeling does not mean you love them. Choose your words carefully. Some words are just more powerful than others.

I am going to end this blog for now, because I feel as if I have made my point. Have an amazing day.


7 Responses to ““I Love You.””

  1. Devon Schreiner on June 28, 2010 3:01 pm

    I am not saying that I don’t completely agree with you, sometimes I just like to play devil’s advocate.

    Why can you only love one person? Why can you not love all of the 7’s 8’s and 9’s before you get to the 10? I would say that I love my girlfriend and I have no idea if we will make it through next week. I would even say I love a lot of my friends, I would do anything for them, they are the best.

    Maybe that’s not even the point of your blog, it just sounded to me like by this definition there can be only one specific person to love.

  2. Munkie on June 29, 2010 12:48 am

    I expected a comment like this… That isn’t what I am saying. I am saying that people use the word lightly… I have heard people who have been “dating” for 2 weeks say “I love you.” — It can happen, but it’s very rare.

    I agree, you love people aside from your “10.” — That is why I said the English language fails. There is only one word for it. That is why I linked the Greek Words for Love… Because it puts a sort of “levels” aspect to it.

    I didn’t say you won’t love the 7s, 8s or 9s… I only put the numbers to it because there is only one word for love. Maybe I should have worded it differently. What I meant was “I love you on a level 7.” or 8… or 9… Does that make more sense?

    My biggest point to this blog was how easily that word slips out of peoples mouths. They confuse that overwhelming passionate feeling for love.

    I hope this explains it a little better. 🙂


  3. Devon Schreiner on June 29, 2010 10:51 am

    Ok, that does make more sense, at least to me. I like the wording of the “Love you on a level of 7” and so on. Thanks for the clarification!

  4. nathan on July 12, 2010 7:28 pm

    I agree the word love is thrown around a lot.. some ppl I know tell there boyfriend/ girlfriend they love them after 2 days of dating. You can’t love some one in that short of time. You got to work up to the love.. other thing is ppl now and says other say for sex. Kids theses days sex=love.. but all well love is different for everyone… @nasty_nate69 = twitter sn

  5. Dad on September 23, 2010 9:44 pm

    Hi *Jae*!

    It has been interesting stalking your blog. I can tell you that before I learned the Greek language, I didn’t understand that there could be so much “exactness” to language. The Greek, Latin and other classical languages (even English from the 1600’s–just look at the King James Bible) have so much more specificity (ok i used a big word, sorry!) to them. When there are four different words to use for the same thing at different levels, it makes it easier and better for us. Unfortunately, the English language today has been dumbed down to its lowest common denominator. That makes it more vague and harder to understand. That’s too bad. OH WELL! We are missing out on so much in America today. God bless you!

    Oh, by the way, I’m going to Rapid City in a couple weeks…wanna go with??! LOL LOL LOL

    Love you!

  6. Munkie on September 23, 2010 10:16 pm

    DAD! #GRAMMAR. #FAIL. Oh wait, you don’t use Twitter. You have no idea what that means. ANYWAY.

    Agreed. Going to Rapid… For the FPC? I assume so.

    …. My dad said LOL. LOL!


  7. John on June 27, 2011 2:15 pm

    The problem I see, as someone who has been accused more than once of falling too easily, is that there are people out there that use the word love so loosely, that at this point it’s become a disposable part of the common vernacular. More than anything, that makes me sad.

    There should not have to be a distinction between “love” and “in love”. Love should have meaning. It should have depth. It should be special.

    Just my $0.02.

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