I Think He’s Cheating.

July 3rd, 2010

I was hanging out with a good friend of mine the other day. She had her phone out a lot.  “Have you seen yourself?” Yes, I know, I have my phone out a lot, as well. But it has gotten better, ask any of my close friends! Phone use is not the point to this blog. She kept texting, then staring at her phone until it buzzed on the table again. If it didn’t buzz within about 60 seconds, she would text again. Stare. Buzz. Text. Stare. Text. Buzz. Text. Stare. I said, “What are you doing??” She said, “I think he’s cheating.” She then went into the entire saga of their screwed up, manipulative, drama-filled relationship.

I just nodded and took another bite. She wouldn’t have noticed had I made a comment, anyway. But as she sat there, barely eating her food, staring, texting, staring, texting …. I began to realize why she was texting and staring. Her texts were these kinds: “Where are you?” “Who is with you?” “What are you doing?” “When will you be home?” I thought, “This is what technology has given us… The power to find someone at the simple push of a button.” Yep… IF they answer.

She was checking on him. Constantly. Throughout our entire meal. You may say, “That’s just crazy.” But honestly, this is more common in today’s society than one would think, and most of us will care to admit. I would be willing to bet that 75% or more of the people reading this have been on one or both ends of this type of relationship, myself included.

Checking up on someone via text is about as effective as seeing if a turkey is done by trying to smell it from the neighbor’s house. First of all, it’s easy to type a lie into a text message. Second, even if it is the truth, the person doing the checking is going to do one of two things: A – Not believe the answers; or B – Twist the answers into something that will spark and fuel a fight.

Phone calls? A little more effective. But only because of background noise. But really the same outcome as texting.

It is all about trust. One person involved usually begins the relationship with trust issues, stemming from God knows where. If not, one of the people does something to break the other’s trust. Without trust, relationships are unable to continue without dysfunction. But I don’t have time to get off topic. So the trust is either never there, or broken.

The hurt person, or broken-to-begin-with person, -let’s just assume the trust was broken, it makes for less confusing wording- Okay, the hurt person begins to worry about being hurt even more, and starts checking on their significant other constantly. Most of the time, this kind of behavior leads to the relationship being ended, usually by the accused, whether or not the accusations are true. The person on the receiving end is usually A – Sick of being accused of things that are not true, no matter how many times they tell the truth; or B – angry that they’re being “watched,” which leads to being caught.

Okay so my friend? They are still together. Is she still checking on him? Absolutely. Do I know if he’s cheating? No. Was anything solved by her checking on him? Not a thing.

My point? Checking on someone’s whereabouts, company, activities, etc. is not going to make them any more faithful to you.

So my advice: Let your significant other’s “leash,” for lack of a better word, have as much slack as they ask for, or naturally take. Next, trust them and hope for the best. Trust issues are hard to deal with, I know. I am not immune to them. But with or without your trust, your significant other is going to do whatever he or she desires, and you have absolutely no control over it. Trying to control it is only going to cause fights and a failed relationship.

I think I have babbled enough for one day. I hope my point was clear. Have an amazing weekend!


4 Responses to “I Think He’s Cheating.”

  1. Makaio on July 12, 2010 7:00 am

    You are absolutely right. I would dump someone in a heartbeat for this(and have..more than once). The reason: It is a combination of A&B and exactly what you said earlier. I don’t like to be watched. It has to do with trust. If you don’t have it, you don’t have a relationship. When you feed the fuel by trying to convince her that you are not cheating, she believes subconsciously that she should be doing this, not trusting you. Tell them you don’t like it, if they do not get the picture.. leave.

  2. djhashbrown on July 12, 2010 10:09 am

    I’ve been on both the checker side and the checked on side of this situation, neither worked out in my favor. In the end people need to decide whether or not they want to be with someone they don’t trust. Seems pretty simple when you’re not in the situation.

  3. nathan on July 12, 2010 7:54 pm

    I have been on both sides. Most of the time ppl accuse others for cheating cause they have cheated with there bf/ gf or in the past,

  4. Set an Example at Inside the Mind of a Munkie… on September 3, 2011 11:34 am

    […] wrote a blog about trust, called “I Think He’s Cheating.” You can read that one, if you click on the text. That blog applies to relationships and not […]

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