Inside My Heart

April 26th, 2011

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been told I am too nice, I’d have enough money to take that trip to Australia that I’ve always wanted. However, we aren’t given money every time something is said to us, and that’s unfortunate… But then we would be lazy, and that’s never good. I am willing to share with you the exact reasons I give / forgive / care too much…

The simple answer would be, “It runs in my family.”

 Honestly, it does… But it goes deeper than that.

The best way to describe this is this–

I believe that:

Everyone wants and deserves love.

Everyone deserves a chance.

Everyone is human, makes mistakes, and needs forgiveness.

Everyone has worth.

Everyone has a heart, no matter how cold and heartless they may seem.

A lot of people have called me naive. That I just don’t “get” how evil this world is. Oh, I get it. The problem is, I don’t see it as an evil world. I see it as a bunch of humans, stuck in one place together. Humans are selfish. Humans look out for themselves. Humans want what works out best for them. Humans want to be admired. Humans want their social status to be higher than those around them. Humans want to be loved. It comes down to the fact that humans want to be higher on the totem pole than others. We all do. Humans love to have others jealous of them. It feeds their pride. Whether it be because of their toys, money or social status. It’s the mentality of, “I have what you want.”

I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. I try hard not to do so, but I am human, too.

Humans also hurl insults at one another. This is something I battle daily. Let me tell you the story of yesterday’s temptation. Yesterday was “Free Love Day” — I know what those of you who were around in the 60s and 70s are thinking. Let me explain. A young man named Justin created a Facebook event in honor of his high school crush, who committed suicide. He pointed out that the suicide rate is far too high (I agree) — and that we should all draw a heart on our wrists for one day, to show our love for others. I put this all over Facebook yesterday, but I am repeating it because not everyone saw it.

I saw a lot of people post that drawing a heart on our wrists was going to change nothing, and that we should be doing something useful, productive. Some suggested that instead of sit on Facebook and draw on ourselves, we donate money to suicide prevention organizations.

I have two things to point out here. First, the heart on my wrist – yes, I did it – was not for anyone else to see. It was to remind myself to love those around me. To remind myself of all the things I pointed out above. Everyone wants and deserves love. You never know what someone is going through, and you never know what kind of road a person has walked. Judging anyone is unfair, because unless you are someone’s siamese twin, you have absolutely no idea what kind of insults may have been thrown their way, what kind of abuse they may have endured, or what personal battles they deal with daily.

Second, we are a big reason for suicide. I realize that not everyone that commits suicide does so because of those around them, but it is a HUGE reason, especially among teens. We are all humans, and are all in this together. We may as well take care of one another. I gave my email address to 5 or 6 teenagers who posted on the wall yesterday. They admitted that they battle depression and have been tempted to or have tried to commit suicide. I may not be able to fix their depression issues, but having an ear is sometimes all someone needs.

This… is why I am nice.

I got a little bit off track there, but I think all of that needed to be said, so I won’t exclaim the furry little creature I always do. Back to the temptation I faced yesterday.

I was on that Facebook event’s wall yesterday. There were a couple of people on what I assume were fake accounts, going through and insulting those who were excited about the number of people reaching out to those around them. I have been on the internet long enough to know that there are many, many people, who feed off of making others on the internet feel bad. These two people were those type, judging by the things they were saying. They both showed up in a few of my posts, along with the posts of many others that I commented on.

They were also commenting on the wall on their own, telling everyone that this was pointless and to get off of Facebook and be productive. Again, I’ve been online long enough to know that there was no changing their minds, but me being me, I didn’t let it go. I commented. “Mike” and I had quite a long string of posts… and the things he said were awful. I won’t repeat them, because my blog is always safe for work, always safe for kids, and always safe for your 80 year old grandmother. My natural instinct was to hurl insults at him, pointing out his horrible grammar, tell him he was an awful person, etc. But then I looked down, and saw the heart on my wrist. There were people behind these profiles. Humans. And I was just as guilty of sin as they are.

I typed, “I will pray for you.” — and closed out of the window. That was so tough for me to do… But it was the right thing to do. Did I pray for them? Yes. Will it change them? That is not for me to know or decide.

Another huge reason I am nice, protect the hearts of others and essentially, the reason I wear my heart on my sleeve, is because my tomorrow may never come. I might not get another chance to tell those around me what they mean to me. If that happens, I don’t want a single person living the rest of their life thinking that I didn’t care about them.

My friends and family mean the world to me… Even strangers, mean something to me. I protect and defend the hearts of those I hold closest to me… and I hope you all walk through your days knowing you are in my heart. You are loved.


2 Responses to “Inside My Heart”

  1. Auntie Munkie on April 26, 2011 6:04 pm

    hey you… thank you so much for writing this… I think that I needed this more than you know. Love you!!

  2. Kris on April 30, 2011 2:48 pm

    Wonderful post. (this is klassy_kris from twitter btw). 1. I can also be too nice. My fiance thinks I’m naive and don’t see the world for what it truly is. My response to him: I chose to see the world through different eyes. I see a “negative nancy” as someone who’s hurting and needs love. Kinda like you. 2. I was invited to the Free Love Day too (via @lunch_boxx) I drew a heart on my wrist too. I don’t have money to donate to suicide prevention programs. But what I can do is be positive and losing to people. You never know how much a person might need that little bit of encouragement. 3. As far as people being negative on FB and such. THAT…i just roll my eyes at. But that’s my 2 cents. nice post (:

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